Boot Camp Day 1: February 8, 2007

I have arrived a boot camp here at Frontier Ranch outside Buena Vista, Colorado. We had our first session this evening and I anticipate a powerful weekend. I feel my emotions boiling below the surface. I don't typically feel "weepy" watching Braveheart clips. I so desire to add that warrior passion to my life. I feel God calling me to His service. I have yet to understand His plans for me. I must prepare myself.
I still have visions of me standing at war unarmed. I do not have all the tools I need to fight in His war. Amy D. prayed over Amy(my wife) and I last night after her husband Jon had left for camp. Her word for me was that she saw me as a defeated warrior whose armor had been lost. What an affirmation of how I feel!
Oh Lord, prepare me for your service. Provide me the armor and weapons I need to pick up your fight. I desire to enlist into your service. I pray for a hedge against the enemy and his lies and distractions. I pray to hear your voice.

Loading Up! Moving Out!

Dear Friends,
We are frantically packing/planning our trip to Colorado. Getting the Tahoe's oil changed and getting everything planned to begin loading. We headed to "Wally World" (aka Wal-Mart) last night to grab some road snacks, atlas, and other miscellaneous items needed when travelling long distances with three and four year old boys.



We are heading to the mountains outside of Colorado Springs. We will be staying with our friends the Dale's in their beautiful new home with their now four cute kids.



Please be in prayer for my family as we travel and enjoy spending time together as a family. Also, please pray that the Lord's plan for my life begin to become unveiled to me. Pray that we won't be sidetracked by bickering/hostility and allow the our thoughts and words be His.

Sincerely,

Mark

Update

I am beginning the planning phases of my family trip to Colorado for the "Wild at Heart Boot Camp." I am trying to prepare my mind and soul to be open for what God has called me to be. Please pray for my family's safe travel and the Lord's plan for my family start to unfold.

Baby Steps

This past Sunday I had the anxiety producing privilege of leading our Sunday Worship. Other than the nauseating symptoms, I really enjoyed the experience. I am not a detailed individual so I was a little concerned about getting the flow of worship in the same format my fellow worshipers are used to. Looking past that, I felt a inner calm about doing something outside of my "comfort zone." I knew that it was a step that God had called me to take (even though it was not totally my idea).

Lessons Learned from this Experience:
- I did not feel comfortable praying for/over other people
- Have confidence, speak up
- I learned about the Lay Speaker Training offered by the Methodist Church

Reflections:
My discomfort in praying over others is most likely routed in my lacking prayer life in the privacy of my own home. I am out of practice. Practice... with time and repetition I believe I could have more confidence in speaking in front of my worshiping peers. I hope to get the opportunity to participate in the Lay Speaker Training to explore further God's prodding in my life.

Dream a little dream

I have been giving a little thought about my dreams and passions in life and am discouraged to realize that I have forgotten or given up on most of my dreams of the past. In school, life was just an opportunity waiting to happen. I was excited, alive and ready to tackle my loftiest ambitions. Then, life happens. I began operating in "emergency management." I am merely trying to survive life's little circumstances. I have failed to pause and look around to see where I am going. Am I even going in the direction I wish to go?

My wife, Amy, is much better at this than I and it frustrates her to no end to see me so entrenched in my "ruts" that I am high centered and just spinning my wheels. I need to get out of my "ruts" and engage in life to see what really drives me. I have been leading a Sunday School Class discussing Max Lucado's Cure for the Common Life: Living in Your Sweet Spot. My thoughts derived from my reading/discussion: I am seeing some success in my current occupation because I am operating within my skill set. I am not as satisfied with my current occupation as I desire because I am not utilizing enough of my skills in my "knacksack." I also fear failure because I am having to function in areas that are not my strengths.

Dear Lord,

Guide me as I look to free myself from life's "ruts." Prod me to engage in my life and discover my drive/passion. Speak to me about my calling in life for your plan. Pour your love upon me so, that I may pass that love to others in my life. Shield my heart from the enemies arrows. Watch over my life and my family. Thank you for being a compassionate father providing abundant blessings for me. I thank you for always trying to speak to me, offering encouragement or correction. I pray that my own concerns fail to interrupt your voice in my heart. I pray that my actions speak of your love and wisdom. I pray that I engage into the life you have called me to.

Mark

Blog Bla

Feeling compelled to write today although I am not sure what I want/need to say. After sharing with some trusted friends about God's calling on my life, I came to some very strange thought processes. Does the audible voice of God sound similar to my wife's voice? I wonder if God has been trying to reach me through those I love. My entire life people/family have been reporting to me what they see as God's calling on my life. Why don't I feel it? Am I ready? Do my insecurities/fears contribute to my lack of heading? How to obey a calling when you are not sure what that calling is?

I also wonder if God needs to work on me before he reveals his plan. I am aware that I fall short of the person God wants me to be. I struggle daily and sadly fail more than I care to admit. Does God want me to step out in faith first to reveal his plan? I want to step out but what steps does he want me to take. Why am I afraid of falling short?

Dear God,

I heard you have been trying to reach me. Please forgive me for not being there to receive your message. Help me to discover your calling for my life. I am thankful that you have called me into your plan. Please give me the courage to step out and actively pursue you. Please be patient with me when I stumble. Please help me to remove the obstructions I have in my life to better serve you. Please comfort me and prod me when I am reluctant in my stubbornness. Please deal with me in my personal struggles to be the man you have called me to be. I long to delight you and make you proud. I wish for your loving embrace when my work has been fulfilled. Please heal the wounds that have been inflicted on my heart as I begin to fill it with a passion to serve you. Please give me the wisdom to deal with the powers that wish to stop your plan.

A Warrior in the Making

Can You Hear Me Now

My wife, Amy, has recently taken over the Children's Ministry at our home church and is extremely excited about what God has called her to do. I envy her enthusiasm and passion. As a result of my jealousy, I am committing to actively pursue God's plan for my life. I have felt my entire life that God has a special calling for my life, but as of yet, He has not revealed that plan to me. This does not come as a surprise to me because I haven't been as faithful as I should and desire. I am reminded of the potter. A potter must place the clay exactly in the center of his wheel in order to bring his pot to shape. Likewise, I must put God in the center of my life so He came shape and mold me into his vision.

Dear Lord,

I am excited about putting you first in my life. I am looking forward to your loving hands molding and shaping me into your vision of me. I understand that not all your adjustments will be comfortable. I look forward to becoming the man of God you have called me to be. I pray that you open my ear to your calling and reveal you plan to me as I am ready to obey.

Your Humble Servant

Serenity

The Serenity Prayer

God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.

As I continue to contemplate the balance I seek in life, I am reminded of this simple prayer most often associated with 12 step recovery programs. I feel strongly that it is relevant for all. The flesh is addicted to sin. My commitment to Christ is significant in my recovery from sin. By breaking down the complications of life into simple categories, "can change or cannot change," we can find comfort. By allowing God to handle those things I cannot change, I can focus my energies on those things in which I can change. Me. My heart, attitude, actions...

Lord be with me and my loved ones this week. Help me to hear your calling for my life. Thank you for the peace or serenity you desire for my life. Guide me in my decisions. Thank you for your wisdom and blessings that allow me to do your will. I pray for a sincerity of heart, motivation to heed your call, and action in my life.

Humbly,

Your Servent

Old Bankers Never Die...

The adventure begins...

As a husband and a father of two little men. I am forced to contemplate the balance of life. I am finding success in the world of banking and enjoying the fruits of my labor and I have been blessed with a wonderful wife, Amy and two handsome boys, Ethan and Logan.

I find myself balancing on the edge of a sword. As the sole provider for my family, I must work deligently to continue advancing myself. To be the Godly husband and father I desire, I must conserve my energies so I am able to participate fully in life. Balance.

Lord, I pray for your guidance as I seek balance for my life. I thank you for all the blessings that you have given me. Watch over me and my family.

In Christ

Amen