I found myself in a new situation with this new semester. Due to the graciousness of my wife, I am not regularly taking Logan to school on days that I am on campus and therefore able to attend chapel. Yesterday when I came to this conclusion, I became very excited. I was really looking forward to it. As a student pastor, I no longer am afforded to opportunity to be ministered to on a regular basis.
I had been dismissed from class about an hour before the time chapel begins. So, I ran over to the bookstore to look for a book I need for class. It was not in so I wasted some time looking around.
I then meandered my way back over to the chapel. As I was passing through, a buddy of mine was posting a sign saying 'Faculty and Staff Chapel Today.' 'So does this mean students are NOT invited?" I inquired. He gave an apologetic nod.
I am not sure why or from where this anger came from. However, the amount of anger and disappointment I felt surfacing within me exceeded the situation. Realizing this, I was able to avoid acting upon this unforeseen anger. I felt left out as the bridesmaids who failed to make preparations by filling their oil lamps. I was feeling as though I was being denied something I really 'needed.'
Two things:
1. What was that anger all about? I will continue to look into this.
2. Is there a lesson to be learned from this experience?
Felt the need to share because it caught me off guard and hope for your prayers as I continue to do the same.
5 comments:
I thought that Faculty and Staff chapel meant that faculty and staff members participated in worship. Not that it was closed to only faculty and staff.
Perhaps things have changed.
That was my hope... apparently, it is intended to benefit those who minister to us the students. Oddly enough, I did not feel it on that day.
The event itself seems trivial. My level of anger directed towards it is what shocked me.
I was able to go today and I think I was holding onto some residual feelings from yesterday. Worship was taking place. I felt like I was next to worship (going through the motions) and not actually participating in it. Very frustrating for someone who feels as though he really needs it...
I missed that it was yesterday. Tuesday and Thursday are still regular chapel days, correct?
That would be my misunderstanding.
I often felt like I was "next to worship" when I was at ATS.
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